


if, if, if

by writerforlife



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: (he just has to talk to declan about it rip), Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Angst, Declan POV, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I adore him, M/M, The Barns (Raven Cycle), communication is key folks, it's my boi decklo lynch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 04:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21247235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerforlife/pseuds/writerforlife
Summary: Declan decides it's about time he and Adam Parrish have a chat.





	if, if, if

**Author's Note:**

> God I'm so excited for Declan in CDTH, enjoy my take on his POV :)

Declan figures it out quickly. 

It's not hard in Henrietta, even though he's only in town on Sundays for church. Declan just listens. Boyd talks about how one of his employees is always tearing off after work in a black BMW, and  _ gee, it really tears the road apart; _ a grocery store employee complains _ one of those raven boys, weird tan one, and a kid with a giant fucking bird crashed a shopping card, thought I'd have to call an ambulance _ ; a gas store employee rolls her eyes, _ two boys were making out in my parking lot, had to go out there and threaten to tow the Beemer _ . 

Once he pieces together the puzzle, he has a complete picture. 

His brother and Adam Parrish. He hadn't seen that one coming. 

There's a Sunday where Matthew can't go to church because of some school thing. Declan makes the drive anyways and sits next to Ronan without their usual buffer. Things aren't how they used to be, so there's no fight, just understanding glances before Declan supposedly heads back to DC. He hangs around, spends the day in a small diner drinking cup after cup of black coffee and pretending to do work on his laptop. He waits until sundown before hitting the road out to the Barns, still not quite sure what his intention is. They've never had this problem before. Declan never really plans on marrying any of his girlfriends, and he'd never heard Matthew express feelings one way or the other—he doubted a three year-old Ronan could dream that. Ronan was something else. He was a Lynch, through and through. He knew what it meant for someone to join the family. If he was with Parrish, he was serious. Dead serious. 

Serious meant it was Declan’s business, too. 

It’s dark by the time he arrives at the Barns. Sure enough, Parrish’s Honda sits next to the BMW, yin and fucking yang. He parks the Volvo farther down the driveway. Declan steels himself as he strides to the front door. He wants a drink. Maybe two. He knocks, then waits. 

Ronan opens the door. Declan sticks a foot in the threshold and doesn’t wince when Ronan slams it anyways. 

“Begone, spirit,” Ronan says. “Declan’s supposed to be in DC.” 

“ _ Declan  _ wants to talk to your boyfriend,” Declan snaps. Ronan snarls. Good. He surprised him. “Think I wouldn’t figure it out?” 

Like a  _ real _ ghost, Parrish appears behind Ronan. 

“Parrish,” Declan says. 

“Declan,” Parrish replies coolly.

“Step outside with me for a minute?” 

Ronan snarls again, but Parrish puts a hand on his lower back. “Fine with me.” Parrish squeezes Ronan’s hand and whispers something in his ear that makes Ronan smirk. 

Declan slips his hands in his pockets, standing on the porch. He waits, wanting Parrish to say something first. Parrish does not oblige. 

“So let’s have a chat,” Declan says. He wants to think he has this under control. From the cant of Adam Parrish’s right eyebrow, he isn’t sure. “Ronan.” 

“We gotta get further from the porch for that,” Parrish says. “He’s probably listening at the door with some dream thing.”

It’s a fair point. 

They take a few steps off the porch. Declan remembers seeing Parrish in the Aglionby hallways, all slouched shoulders and faded bruises. He stands taller now, and the summer has rendered him tan and muscular. Maybe it’s the Barns, he thinks. It has a way of turning everyone but Declan, it seems, into fuller versions of themselves. 

“Ronan,” Declan repeats. “You and him.”

Parrish frowns. “Do you have a problem with me as a person, or me being a man? Trying to scare me off?” 

“None of the above. Routine checkup.” He doesn’t have to explain—the Lynch family is exclusive. Father—dreamer. Mother—dreamt. Brothers—Declan, dreamer, dreamt. How does Adam Parrish fit into it? 

“Gauge my goddamn intentions or something? Threaten me?” 

“You understand what you’re doing,” Declan says. “Right? What you’re getting into?”

Adam scoffs. “I know Ronan.” 

“But  _ do you know what you’re getting into _ ? The shitshow Dad got us into?” 

“Ronan told me.” 

“And the nightwash?”

“I was there when it started up again. Who do you think helped him? I’m not going to let him break, and I’m sure as hell not gonna break him myself, if that’s what you’re asking.”

It was not. Declan’s still glad Parrish said it. 

“This is a complicated family,” Declan says. “We come with a lot of risks, and—.”

“You said you weren’t trying to scare me away,” Adam interrupts. “This sounds a lot like scaring, doesn’t it?” 

“Ronan doesn’t fuck around. I don’t want you to fuck with his head.”  _ Mixed messages _ , Declan tells himself. Did he care about the family business? Did he care about his brother not having his heart broken by some  _ Harvard  _ boy? Were they intertwined? 

“I don’t plan on it.”

“People will come for him,” Declan says. “You have to know that. There are always people looking for the Greywaren. They would sell him, stick him in a cage without a second thought, and force him to dream up horror after horror. You don’t want to know how they’d force him to do it.” Parrish doesn’t flinch, but his mouth twitched. “You’d be caught in the crossfire. No matter how safe I make him feel, he will always be in danger. Always.”

Parrish looks off into the distance. He rubs his thumb over his lower lip, brow furrowed. “I understand. That’s fine.”

“It’s  _ fine _ ?”

“I’ll be here. It will be a cold, cold day in hell before anyone takes him from me.” Parrish eyes flash, and Declan knows he means it. Parrish has lived through a nightmare and come out on the other side of it; he, perhaps, is one of the only people who really understands Ronan. 

“You’ll be leaving,” he says. 

Parrish holds his gaze. Declan has stared down hit men, criminals, people looking to kill his family without flinching, yet Adam Parrish's creepy fucking stare is sending chills down his neck.  _ Yes,  _ Declan thinks. _ He will protect my brother. _ It feels nice to not be the only one on Team Stop Ronan Lynch from Doing Stupid Shit. But because he's, well, himself, he can't accept just a judgmental gaze from a creepy dude. 

“Harvard is a long ways away,” Declan says. 

“What the fuck do you want to hear, Declan? DC’s a  _ long ways away _ , too.” He mimics Declan’s voice for a few words—must have picked that up from Ronan. “Where are you? Do you know… I was ready not to go. Do you know how fucking terrifying it was to see him… to see him coming undone again?” A wrinkle appears between Parrish's brow. "I wouldn't have gone." 

Declan pauses. He still doesn't know much about Parrish except that he's a creepily clever fucker and that he's sleeping with his brother, but he sure as hell knows going to college means everything to Parrish. 

"So," Declan says. "You're in love with him. Like, really in love with him." 

"Yeah," Parrish replies. No hesitation. Declan doesn't know how he expected this to go, but a part of him must have thought Parrish was just screwing with Ronan's head. 

"This is the hardest option for you," Declan prods. "You know what he is."

"Who he is," Adam corrects. "I know exactly who he is. You have a problem with this?" 

Declan's no longer sure of anything. He doesn't like that. 

"We have the same priorities," Parrish says. 

"So we do." Declan offers his hand. Parrish's grip is strong and sure. 

"Is he in danger?" Parrish asks. "Did something happen?"

"No, nothing of concern." Something was always happening; it was only a matter of when Ronan needed to be concerned. Usually, it was after they found Declan, and nobody has smashed his front door in lately. "Take care of yourself, Parrish."

Despite the dismissal, Parrish studies Declan's face for a moment, searching. Declan holds his gaze. “Need to stay over?”

“I should really get back to DC. Have a good night.”

Parrish strides inside, shutting the door behind him and leaving Declan alone outside. It really sinks in that Parrish is smart, and not only in the way Aglionby recognizes. Perhaps that's what the Lynch family needs. 

Declan lingers outside his car, leaning on the hood. The curtains of the front room window are pulled open, light pouring from the Barns and onto the driveway. It falls just short of Declan's car. Ronan appears first in the window, then Parrish. Ronan is talking a million miles a minute, waving his hands, but Parrish is still. He lets Ronan pace, but finally, he takes Ronan's shoulders to still him. He says something and stands on his toes to kiss Ronan's forehead; Ronan pulls Parrish in for a fierce hug. 

Something in Declan's stomach stirs. He knocks his fist against the car's roof twice, then slips into the driver's seat. Out of habit, he checks the back seat for anyone who may want to kill or kidnap him. Nobody. He pulls out of the driveway, throwing one last glance at the warm window. As he drives down the darkened roads, he wonders what it would be to go to the Barns and feel like he's home, if he really has a home, if he'll lose both brothers in one fell swoop, what it would be to be loved like that, if he's even capable of falling in love or if this is what's left for him in life. 

_ If, if, if.  _

He shakes his head and turns on the radio. 

He has a long drive ahead. 


End file.
